


Mother Knows Best

by Hidden_Joy



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Anger, Angst, Angst and Fluff, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Canon Compliant, Cemetery, Fluff, Internalized Homophobia, Love, Lukas is very sad, Lukas needs a hug, M/M, Mom Talks, Mother/Son Talks, Sadness, graves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 12:25:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9607538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hidden_Joy/pseuds/Hidden_Joy
Summary: Lukas Waldenbeck always made it a priority to visit his mother's grave at least once a month. He usually got it in about once a week, but when he had a particularly busy time, he'd only be able to squeeze in one visit for the month. When this happened, he always bought flowers to place by the grave as a small apology.OrFive times Lukas goes to his mother's grave alone and the one time he isn't alone.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I came up with idea because I saw a drawing of Lukas bringing Philip to his mother's grave and also thought of when Lukas said he's tell his mom about, Philip, too, and this happened.

1.

Tivoli, New York has a grand total of one cemetery. Granted, it's a pretty decent size and right by the woods so if they need to extend it, they can.

It's sort of hidden behind the bakery that used to be a church. It doesn't get many visitors, of course.

It's not that people don't die in Tivoli, they do. But, the majority of people that do are buried in either Red Hook or Poughkeepsie.

The people that do get buried in Tivoli are either loners or don't have family in Tivoli that visit them often. Except for Sally Waldenbeck.

For the first year after she died, she had plenty of visitors. After that though, it was only her husband and son. Another year later and it was only her son.

Lukas Waldenbeck always made it a priority to visit his mother's grave at _least_  once a month. He usually got it in about once a week, but when he had a particularly busy time, he'd only be able to squeeze in one visit for the month. When this happened, he always bought flowers to place by the grave as a small apology.

See, the thing is, Lukas' father stopped visiting the grave after two years because he claimed it was time to move on, and that Lukas should, too. But, what Lukas saw didn't seem like moving on.

Drinking and getting pissed at every slight mistake from his son didn't seem like moving on.

Lukas didn't really care, though, about what his father thought moving on was. He wanted to keep seeing her, and he would, even if his father didn't want to know about it. It was just another thing added to the list of secrets he'd started keeping from everyone.

The only person who knew he still visited his mother was the nice old lady who worked at the bakery in front of the cemetery, Ms. Kenneth, because he'd always stop in and buy something before going back and talking to his mother for at least a half hour.

Yes, he still talked to her. He pretended that she was still standing in front of him and not a cold, gray piece of cement. She was the only one he could be himself around.

Because in Tivoli you weren't suppose to be different. You had to be just like everyone else, or things would go bad for you. Lukas knew this from the cold sting of a slap across the cheek for being different.

So, he put up a facade and only took it down in front of the aging stone.

He might not remember much about her, especially nowadays, with his motocross competitions, working on the farm, and working his hardest to keep up his grades and maintain a social life keeping his thoughts occupied. But, he remembered enough to miss her and keep going back.

He sat in front of the old stone now, wiping his hands on his jeans to rid his fingers of the glaze from the doughnut he'd gotten from the bakery.

The stone was rounded at the top, the edges a bit chipped from eleven years of weathering. It had beautiful carvings in it, along with Sally's name, birthdate, and death date.

"Sally Waldenbeck," it read. "Born March 25th, 1978, Died July 7th, 2006. Loving Wife and Mother."

"School was actually pretty eventful today. There's a new kid," Lukas informed the gravestone, leaning back on his hands in the grass.

"He wears this leather jacket that's, like, three sizes too big for him. It's actually a pretty savage jacket, not that anyone else thinks so," he muttered, rolling his eyes. "He's already labeled a weirdo, so there goes _any_ chance of making friends with him," he sighed. Lukas wanted to talk to the boy, in all honesty. He was intrigued. The boy was from the city and had an aura of arrogance and mystery. And Lukas was curious.

He could hear his mom's voice in his head. "And why is he labeled a weirdo?" he knew she'd ask, a frown on her face and disappointment in her voice.

"There's rumors that he's here because his mom's a junkie so he got taken away and placed here. People also think he's... gay," the words tasted bitter on his tongue.

He'd heard the rumors straight from his best friend, Rose, who was always on top of every bit of gossip there was. And he couldn't have helped the bit of hope that bubbled in his stomach when he'd heard that rumor.

Lukas wasn't an idiot, okay? He knew, somewhere deep, where he pushed it far, far down, why he didn't want to kiss or date girls. He knew why his gaze would linger on other boys a little too long. He knew why his dreams weren't occupied by long hair and large chests and wide hips, like a seventeen year old boy's dreams should. He _knew_.

But, he couldn't admit that. Not out loud, not to his friends, not to his dad, not to his mother's grave, and not even to himself. He kept it locked away, deep down where he couldn't reach.

And he wasn't _i_ _nterested_  in this new boy, either, okay? Sure, he had a nice jawline and pretty dark eyes and that jacket certainly did great things for him despite being too big. But, no, the hope wasn't that there could he a chance for him to get with the boy.

No, the hope was entirely different. It was hope that it was true so the boy could turn this school around. That the boy could be gay and still be a cool guy and still fit in. That he could come out and everyone would be fine with it and then maybe, just maybe, Lukas wouldn't have to keep that part of himself shoved so far down.

But, of course, that just wasn't the case. Everyone hated the new boy for the simple _possibility_ of it being true.

"I don't know, he seems okay. Who knows, maybe people will start to like him? I don't know. Whatever, nothing's gonna change anyway, right? I don't need anymore friends," Lukas muttered, shaking his head with a slight sigh. He wasn't entirely sure if he was talking to his mother or himself with those last few sentences.

It wasn't long after that he got up, brushing off the grass and dirt on his pants.

"Sorry I can't stay longer. I've got to help Dad out with the turkeys today. You know how he is," he tried to punctuate the statement with a laugh, but there really wasn't any humor behind it.

"I'll see you soon, alright? Love you, Mom," he muttered. He pressed a kiss to the tips of his fingers, then touched his fingers to the gravestone.

"Bye," he whispered, then made his way out.

2.

"Have you ever liked someone you shouldn't?"

The question broke the comfortable silence that had settled about the graveyard when Lukas sat down.

There were about a hundred thoughts that were trying to formulate in his mind and that was the first that had come out.

"I know you can't exactly answer," he sighed, running a hand through his hair. He stared at the gravestone a moment.

"Rose asked me out today. I said yes, but I'm just... I'm not into her," he explained aloud.

"Remember that new kid I told you about, though? His name's Philip. We started talking a couple weeks ago. Mom, I'm really worried," he whispered.

He knew she'd ask why. Want to know what had her son so worked up.

"I feel so weird around him. I can't stop thinking about him. I-I don't know what it is, what's wrong with me?" Lukas groaned, burying his head in his hands.

"There's nothing with with you, Luke," she would have said in reponse, giving him a frown. 

"I can't let anyone find out, though. That we're even hanging out. Everyone would hate me, Mom, like they hate him," he shook his head, moving his arms around his legs that were bent close to his chest. He rested his forehead against his knees.

Philip and him had been hanging out a lot lately and Lukas was really starting to like him. He didn't know what exactly he was feeling but he knew it couldn't lead to anything good.

No one at school even knew for sure that Philip was gay, and yet they still treated him like trash. Though, Lukas thought it also had something to do with him being a city boy and the other rumors about his mom being a junkie, but he knew it was mostly because of the gay rumors.

Lukas knew how this town operated, knew how they thought. If anyone found out he was hanging out with Philip, everyone would think he was gay, too. And he couldn't let anyone think that. It'd ruin everything.

He was startled from his thoughts by his phone buzzing. He groaned again, grabbing his phone from his pocket. He let out a sigh as he read the text from his father.

"I gotta go, Mom. Sorry it was so short today, I'll make up for it next time," he promised as he stood.

He sent a quick text to his dad to tell him he'd be home soon, said his goodbyes, then made his way to his bike.

3.

"Text me when you get home, please?" Philip's words sounded desperate and Lukas couldn't blame him.

He nodded. "Yeah, okay. I will, I promise," he told him softly.

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow, I guess," Philip muttered. Lukas didn't tell him again that Philip couldn't talk to him at school. Philip had already promised, he wouldn't break that, Lukas knew.

Before Philip could move away from the bike like he'd been going to, Lukas grabbed his arm and tugged him close again, hugging him tightly. Philip gripped him back, and Lukas could feel him shaking still. Lukas was probably shaking, too, but right now he didn't care. He needed to feel Philip, make sure he was still alive under his hands. If he hadn't hit the killer over the head...

"I should probably go before Helen or Gabe wake up," Lukas whispered, cutting his thoughts off and pulling back.

"Right," Philip nodded, letting his arms fall to his sides and then stepping back again. "Bye, Lukas."

"Bye," Lukas answered. Then he started his bike again. He noticed that Philip didn't move until he had pulled away from the house, but he didn't question it. He probably just wanted to keep Lukas in his sights for a little longer, much like he wanted to do for Philip.

He drove faster than usual, unable to help the feeling crawling up his spine that he was being followed.

He didn't go home right away, despite how late it was and despite what he'd just seen, what _they'd_ just seen.

He parked his bike in front of the bakery and stumbled into the cemetery, plopping down in front of his mother's headstone.

"Mom, I-I know it's late, but I couldn't go anywhere else right now. Dad-Dad would just ask questions and there's no where else to go this late," he breathed out the quick explanation.

"Something happened and I really just need to be here right now," he whispered, hugging his knees to his chest.

He knew his mother would be asking what had happened, what had her boy so freaked out and frightened. She'd try to calm him down.

"I can't— I can't talk about it right now. It's just too— it's too much," he explained. His breath was still heavy with nerves and fear.

He gripped his knees tighter to his chest and then remembered that Philip wanted him to text him when he got home. He didn't want the other to worry, even though he technically wasn't home yet.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, opening his texts to Philip and sending a quick message. "Home safe," he sent and then placed his phone down beside him. He touched his fingers to his lips absently.

Had it really only been an hour ago that he'd been kissing that boy? That they'd just been fooling around? It'd only been an hour ago that he was on top of Philip, kissing him as if his life depended on it, finally giving in to the desires he'd pushed so far down.

And now everything was so fucked up and they couldn't _tell_  anyone or else they'd find out what they'd been doing. And no one could find out about that, about the things he felt, the things he wanted. No. No one could find out. Ever.

He sighed deeply, groaning and pressing his forehead against his knees. "God, I wish you were alive," he whispered, voice wavering. If his mother were alive, everything would be so much easier.

Maybe he could have told. Maybe they wouldn't have even seen anything because he wouldn't have felt like he had to take Philip to a cabin in the wood to kiss him, to be with him. They could have just done all that at home. Because his mother had always made him want to be better, do better. He could be himself as long as she was at home to talk to.

Now he couldn't. Because she wasn't home to talk to. No one was.

Lukas curled in on himself even further as the thought crossed his mind. "Why does it have to be like this?" he breathed, feeling a few tears roll down his cheek. He didn't bother wiping them away, just let them fall.

He stayed in the graveyard for a while, just sitting in front of the grave and procrastinating going home. Eventually the constant buzzing of his dad's text became too much to ignore.

"I'm sorry, Mom. I'll come back and tell you what happened eventually, but right now, I.. I got get home. Try to keep going," he told the stone, voice barely above a whisper.

"Bye, Mom," he murmured with a sigh. He shook his head and tried not to let his thoughts take over his mind as he went back to his bike.

4.

Lukas stopped the bike beside the "Welcome to Tivoli" sign and let Philip get off. He took the helmet that was quickly becoming Philip's and gave the boy a hesitant smile, which Philip returned. He didn't wait another second before driving off.

He missed the weight of Philip's arms around him as his drove. He'd gotten far too attached to the feeling and now it was easily one of his favorite things about riding. Just a few hours ago, that would have been okay. Back home in Tivoli, it wasn't.

He went straight for the town, stopping his bike in front of the bakery. He didn't stop inside, just went right around the building and to the back. He settled in front of his mother's grave with ease, legs cross beneath him.

"Hey, Mom," he muttered, running a hand through his hair and releasing a long sigh.

The previous night had been a long one. Probably the best night of his life, if he was honest.

Being with Philip like that, out in the open, with the city lights shining on them and making Philip look even more beautiful than he already was... God, it was the most freeing experience.

It felt amazing, being able to kiss Philip and hold his hand without expecting a hit or an insult if someone saw. And it just made him hate himself and this town all the more for not being able to do that in Tivoli.

He sighed, shaking his head. He'd told Philip that if his mom were alive, he'd tell her about him, too. And, God, it was true. So, _s_ _o_ true. If his mom was alive, he'd talk for hours about Philip and he knew she'd listen to every word and love him just the same once he was done.

But, that didn't mean he couldn't still tell her about him now. Even if Philip never found out he'd done it.

"So, Mom, I know I've talked about him a few times, but... Philip told his mom about me and I feel like I owe it to him and you... even if you're not alive, to tell you about him," Lukas explained.

"It's not all about sex, like all the guys at school always talk about, Mom. And nothing close to romance like Rose always talks about," he shook his head. The previous night had actually been pretty romantic, but that was definitely not the word he'd use to describe their relationship, if he could even call what they had a relationship.

"I don't know, Mom. I've never— I've never felt this way before, y'know? Maybe it has something to do with the things we saw, but he's always able to calm me down, keep me grounded. Mom, he talked me off of jumping off the roof of the school yesterday," Lukas explained, voice getting quieter on the last sentence.

He knew that his mother would be upset he'd almost done that.

"I would have done it. Everything that's going on, all these deaths, and it's all my freakin' fault," he whispered, taking a shaking breath. "But, I still can't tell anyone because then they'd _know a_ nd I'd be _dead_... worse than dead," he explained.

"I mean... I just kept thinking, would anyone really miss me if I was gone? No one really knows who I am around here expect for Philip," he murmured, sighing. "I just... I wanted it to be over," he explained.

"But, Philip, he... stayed calm. He calmed me down and made me feel better. And we went to the city and I actually got to _be_  with him, Mom," he added. "It was amazing."

He paused, staring at his feet. " _He's_ amazing," he added in a whisper. "I wish it could be like that all the time. I could walk around with him and not think about what Dad's gonna do, or what anyone's gonna say, y'know?" he muttered.

He shook he head and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm gonna hurt him, Mom. I know I am. I already have a few times," he sighed heavily. "He's gonna get sick of me and leave. Maybe I'm just destined to be alone. Be a screw up," his voice was barely above a whisper and he was sure even if his mother was alive and in front of him, she wouldn't have heard his words.

He kept his head down and stayed silent for a while. Eventually he had to go back home, back to the reality of judgment and lies and secrets.

He'd have to come up with a good lie for why he'd ditched the memorial. The city trip was just another secret he had to keep now.

5.

Lukas didn't sit down when he got there this time. Actually, he started pacing back and forth in front of Sally's grave once he got there.

He'd done it now, he knew. This was the point of no return. Philip would never forgive him.

"God, I fucked up, Mom, I fucked up so bad," he vented aloud as he paced, guilty tears tracking their way down his face as he ran his hands through his hair, tugging and pulling as if he could pull it all out and it would erase what he'd done.

"Everything's suppose to be coming together now, y'know? Trevy Tools wants to freakin' sponsor me, what could be better than that?" he asked. "But, no, Philip had to go and tell Helen I was there and I had to lie, I had to call him a stalker, I had to let him apologize and accuse him of making me steal from Dad to buy drugs!" Lukas burst, wiping angrily at the tears in his eyes.

"I'm such a fucking idiot. He hates me, he's never gonna forgive me. God. You should have seen him at the party last night. He was so drunk and broken. I did that. _I_ broke him," he went on, voice getting quieter, breaking slightly and his pacing slowing. 

"I broke him," he whispered again as he sat down slowly, shoulders shaking and a small sob escaping his lips. "It doesn't matter that I brought him home, that I apologized to him. He was half-concious and he'd never believe me anyway," he mumbled.

"I'm such a fuck up. I can't fix anything. Everything I touch breaks," he whispered, voice broken.

He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm his crying and made a small groaning noise when he felt his phone buzz. He pulled it out, seeing it was a text from his dad. He'd almost forgotten that the guy from Trevy Tools was coming today.

He sighed deeply, running a hand through his hair as he stood slowly. "I've gotta go. Maybe next time I'll have actual good news. Knowing me though, I won't," he told the grave quietly. Or maybe the killer will having finally gotten him. Maybe he won't come back because he'll be dead. 

He didn't say any of that out loud, though.

He headed to his bike then, pulling his facade back up that everything was okay.

+1.

Before he'd even parked the bike in front of the Caldwell house, Philip was jogging down the front porch.

Lukas smiled brightly as he got off the bike and greeted Philip with a quick hug and kiss. It was how they did things now and it was one of his favorite things about their relationship.

 _Relationship._ Four months ago, Lukas didn't even know if he could call it that. But, now Philip had a label in his life. Boyfriend. And he couldn't be happier about it.

Lukas looked toward the house, where he saw Helen and Gabe both stood in the doorway. "I'll have him home by dinner!" he called to them.

"You better!" came Helen's semi-teasing, semi-serious reply. She was a cop and Philip was her son, afterall. Lukas smiled a bit, then looked toward Philip.

"Ready to go?" he asked.

"Yeah. I still want to know where you're taking me, though," Philip answered, giving Lukas a small smile as he took the the helmet that was now his from Lukas.

"It's a surprise," Lukas answered with a small grin as he pulled his own helmet back on and climbed on the bike.

"Yeah, whatever," Philip muttered, pulling the helmet on and throwing his leg over the bike.

His arms wrapped around Lukas' torso and he pressed his front close against Lukas' back, earning a smile from the blonde boy as he started the bike and Philip rested his chin on Lukas' shoulder.

Lukas drove them into town, stopping the bike in front of a floral shop.

"Oo, you're getting me flowers? What a romantic," Philip teased as they got off the bike.

Lukas rolled his eyes with a smile. "We're not getting these for you," he answered.

"Oh, then who are they for?" Philip asked as he followed Lukas into the shop.

"If I told you, it'd ruin the surprise," Lukas answered. Philip opened his mouth to speak, but shut it when Lukas started ordering a bouquet of flowers.

When Lukas had the flowers and had paid for them, Philip spoke again. "You know I hate surprises."

"You'll love this one. Besides, you'll only be in wonder for like another minute," Lukas explained, reaching out the hand that wasn't holding the flowers and lacing his fingers with Philip's.

Philip rolled his eyes, though a smile lingered ln his lips. He couldn't fake annoyance when Lukas showed him affection in public, Lukas had noticed. And it made Lukas proud to know he was making Philip happy.

Philip then seemed to realize that they were walking further into town, away from the shop and the bike.

"It's walking distance?" he asked.

"Yup," Lukas nodded, giving him a small smile.

Lukas led Philip to the bakery that used to be a church and led him inside.

"Hey, Ms. Kenneth," Lukas greeted the woman at the counter with a small smile.

"Hi, Lukas. Who's your friend?" the old woman asked, warm green eyes shifting to look at Philip.

"This is my boyfriend, Philip," he introduced. "Philip, this is Ms. Kenneth. She runs this bakery."

Philip smiled, though Lukas could see the bit of confusion on his face. "Hi," he gave a small wave toward the woman.

"Hi, dear," she greeted warmly. "What would you two like?" she asked then, looking between the two.

"I'll have a chocolate chip cookie today, please," Lukas decided. "And what do you want, Philip?" he asked, looking toward him.

"Uh, can I have a brownie?" he asked, looking toward Ms. Kenneth.

"Of course, sweetie. I'll wrap those up for you," she smiled, then moved to get the two deserts the boys had ordered.

She handed the bag to Lukas, and he gave her the money for the treats in return. "Thanks, Ms. Kenneth. See you soon," Lukas told her as they started toward the door.

"You're welcome. Bye, Lukas, Philip," she called back.

"Oh, bye!" Philip called before Lukas tugged him out of the bakery and started leading him toward the back.

"She's nice," Philip commented.

"Yeah," Lukas nodded.

There was a pause from Philip's end. "Lukas, this is a cemetery," he said after a moment, taking in where Lukas was leading him.

"Yeah, it is," he nodded. Philip didn't say anything after that, just let Lukas lead him down the grassy path through the stones.

Lukas stopped in front of a stone that had become more familiar than the woman it represented and he moved forward, placing the bouquet of flowers down in front of it.

He heard the moment when Philip realized what they were doing there. "Oh, Lukas," he said softly, voice kind and quiet.

"Yeah," Lukas nodded. He took a deep breath, taking Philip's hand in his again. "I know you may think this is silly, but it's imporant to me and I wanted tk take you here," Lukas told him, looking toward Philip.

Philip gave him a small smile and leaned over, kissing his cheek. "I don't think it's silly at all," he promised, squeezing Lukas' hand.

Lukas smiled, squeezing his hand back as Philip rested his head against Lukas' shoulder, looking down at the stone.

"Hey, Mom," Lukas greeted softly as he looked back toward the stone. "It's been a while. I'm sorry about that. There's been a lot going on," he told the grave.

Philip squeezed his hand beside him again and Lukas smiled softly.

"I wanted to introduce you to someone. Mom, this is Philip. My boyfriend," he introduced.

"Hi, Mrs. Waldenbeck," Lukas heard Philip say and his smile brightened. Philip was taking this seriously.

"I'm sure she'd want you to call her Sally," Lukas told him quietly.

"Right, of course. Sorry, Sally. I still have to call his dad Mr. Waldenbeck," Philip added, letting out a small laugh at the light-hearted joke.

It was actually true. Though Bo was slowly coming along on the idea that Lukas and Philip were together, he still hadn't corrected Philip whenever he called him Mr. Waldenbeck the few times they interacted.

Lukas smiled. He sat down slowly and Philip sat with him. He gave Philip the brownie he'd gotten and took out his own cookie.

They stayed there for a while, in the only cemetery that Tivoli had, telling Sally Waldenbeck everything that had happened since Ryan Kane was killed.

After that, Lukas wasn't the only visitor of the cemetery. Though it wasn't much of an increase, Sally Waldenbeck brought another visitor into the cemetery. Even if he was just there because he loved her son and it was important to Lukas.

Lukas Waldenbeck always made it a priority to visit his mother's grave at  _least_ once a month. And Philip Shea was almost always with him.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Tumblr at jonnorlandfill.
> 
> I don't own Eyewitness or anything you may recognize.
> 
> -HJ


End file.
